First Steps

New to Sexaholics Anonymous? Glad you found us.

Sexual addiction is not a comfortable subject to discuss out in the open. Alcohol and drug addiction get far more airtime, thanks to decades in the media — but we understand how painful and isolating the disease of sexual addiction can be, and how difficult it is to come to grips with the destruction it has caused in our lives.

Many of us thought we were the only ones struggling with this problem — that we were alone. We used porn, sex, lust, and fantasy to cope with stress and anxiety, avoid feelings, and manage a whole host of other issues. Regardless of why, how, or when the addiction began, there was a point when we were acting against our own will. Some of us recognized this and tried to stop, only to realize we couldn't. That's when we saw ourselves as sexaholics.

There is a solution, and through Sexaholics Anonymous, countless people have found recovery from sexual addiction.

12-Step Fellowship

Sexaholics Anonymous was founded on the Twelve Steps and Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. Since beginning in the early 1980s, it has grown through the strength, hope, and experience of addicts in recovery worldwide.

You can read the full 12 Steps and 12 Traditions here. How fast or slow you move through them is entirely up to you — some people work through all twelve steps in months, others take years. One step at a time.

First Steps, One Day at a Time

One day at a time

Recovery from sexual addiction is possible, but most of us can't comprehend the thought of years of sexual sobriety all at once. Break it down. Try to stay sober just for today.

Hit the books

Read the Sexaholics Anonymous literature. It explains SA's Twelve Step recovery program in depth.

• Sexaholics Anonymous (the “White Book”)
• Other SA literature

Go to meetings

If you're new, attend as many meetings as you can. Contact us for details on locations and times. There's no need to share — you can simply attend, listen, and take it in. Being with other recovering addicts, and not being alone, is essential to making progress.

Reminder: SA meetings are for sexaholics only. Family members and friends have their own meeting, called S-Anon.

Staying sober: notice your triggers

Think about the specific situations that led to acting out. Avoid those situations where you can. These people, places, or things are your “triggers,” and they'll pull you back into the addiction before you know it.

Call other SA members as often as you need — every day, if that helps. Attend meetings. Read something from the SA literature every day. Start working the steps with a sponsor. Try not to think your way out of it — it was our best thinking that got us here.

Get a sponsor

Find an SA member with more sobriety than you, someone you feel comfortable with, and ask if they'll be your sponsor. A good sponsor goes a long way — they'll listen and share their own experience, strength, and hope.

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Pick up the phone

Between meetings, you're encouraged to reach out to other members by phone — it helps you stay sober. Ask other recovering addicts for their numbers, and offer your own if you're comfortable.